Baby & Other odds and ends

I can't believe it is already Dec. 2005. i've decided to use a blog as a journal because i am so bad about writing in my real journal I know i am going to regret it. there is so much going on in my head and i haven't written any of it down.
Our baby is due in only 4 weeks. 4 weeks! we have a baby shower next sunday, a wedding and a Christmas party on Saturday, and only 4 weeks to clean up the room that we have been calling the baby room for 9+ months. It is still a junk room.
William is finally done with the quarter on Thursday. it has been a really trying quarter for him with me on bedrest, getting hardwood floors put in and all the church activity. some times, i hate that he is in school. i know he is learning and will have a good chance to get further at work with an MBA - but ugh, it takes up so much of his time - and has the unfortunately side effect of turning him into a stress case. i have noticed he has far less patience for people since he started school. luckily - he has been super nice to me. but that doesn't make it ok for him to be so foul-tempered towards others just because they don't do things the way he does or they have a moment of stupidity. Everyone has moments of stupidity. oh well - he only has 2-3 more quarters to go and then i am never letting him go back to school again! 3 degrees is enough... isn't it??! :)

i have been reading a lot about stay-at-home moms vs. stay-at-work moms. it is crazy. such a ridiculous mental and emotional conflict for women. it is not fair that men do not have to deal with this. if you stay at home, you loose out at work and the longer you stay out of work, the harder it is to get back into work and convince employers that you are a viable employee. if you go back to work, you loose time with your baby. if you identify strongly as a career oriented woman, you feel you lose a part of yourself staying at home. if you go back to work, you are made to feel guilty about not doing the best for your children. what a bunch of crock! why is it that men do not have to go through this. it is not fair not fair not fair. and what if part of my identity is wrapped in working? what if i make a decent amount of money and want to maintain financial security and a certain amount of independence? i mean, as much as i pray that william will be around until we are old and grey, the reality is we never know when God will call us home. i still haven't really decided which way i fall. i want to stay home "be there for the kids", but at the same time i don't, I want my own identity and something to be good at apart from family. i definitely do not want to be one of those women who only talk about their kids because that is all they do or have. i guess only time will tell.