paso robles, ca

look people! i'm driving wheeee!!
if you look at the windows, it was pouring on the way home.

we went to paso robles, ca this weekend. one of william's roommates from UCLA turned 40, so his wife threw him a big, surprise birthday party. she did a really good job... he was completely deer-in-the-headlights when we all yelled surprise. i overheard him saying that he hadn't seen a lot of his dental school classmates since his wedding 6 years ago, so it was a reunion of sorts too. we were bad and took no pics. ops... of course, i got lots of thomas :)
here he is enjoying the big hotel bed. he discovered a hole in the bedsheet... and promptly made it a little bigger for them. for future reference, it was a La Quinta Inn. after seeing this youtube video of hotel cleaning people and what they do to clean the glassware, we used disposable cups. i actually don't mind them cleaning the cups in the sink, but the way they were cleaning them was soooo gross.


it was nice on saturday, actually sunny for the morning and early afternoon, but it was overcast and rainy the rest of the time, so we headed back home a day early. bummer. well, at least we got a couple great deals at the gilroy outlets!

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tonight, thomas was cranky b/c he had only napped for 20 minutes on the drive home from paso. he was doing everything possible to stall bedtime. asked for milk. asked for water, wanted a different color cup. he turned on the CD player in his room and started dancing. i saw him and started dancing too. but william got stern. he asked thomas to bring the monitor over so he could plug it back in. thomas picked it up and threw it on him. william said "thomas! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!" thomas immediately turned around to me and started to dance again fast. he had the most awesome look "oh hi lovely mommy - please dance with me right noW!" on his face. awesome. that little rascal. he definitely knew he had done something bad and wanted to "change the subject."

rainy day fun

since it has been raining a lot lately, i have given in a few times and let thomas play outside for a change of pace. he discovered it is fun to walk through leaf piles! for a good 10 minutes, all he did was walk back and forth, all different directions, through these leaves in our neighbor's front yard. this awesome little bemused look on his face. the pics don't show how exaggerated his steps were but i had to regroup the leaves several times to keep the pile together.

on the same outing, a neighbor's yellow tabby walked over and sat to watch thomas. when thomas saw him, he started walking towards him. the cat nonchalantly started walking away. he actually allowed thomas to follow him... and finally plopped down to say "ok, i give in. now pet me!" thomas got practically on top of him and was delighted. scsi never let's him do that :) this neighbor's kitty was one cool cat. definitely used to being around young kids.


---------how do they know??------------

a few weeks ago, william was trying to change his diaper and thomas was really squirmy. so william said "thomas! why don't you count from 1 to 10 and by the time you count to 10, i will be done changing your diaper."

this little rascal... he starts "won, twooo, treee..." and said the rest so fast he didn't even really say the numbers!! just ended "eh,na, te te tennnn!!!" and started squirming madly. william "why you little, why you little!" and they both collapsed into a calvin & hobbes pile of arms and legs and giggles. he totally knew that william wouldn't be able to finish that fast. toddlers are so smart sometimes it is scary!


------------scolding------------

thomas observed me scolding scsi a couple times around thanksgiving and immediately started following scsi around yelling "no!! no scsi no!" and he even tried to spank him. yikes! brought us face to face with the reason parenting magazines all say to try your best not to yell at one kid in front of the other. they watch, learn and then they treat each other that way. ever since then, we do not yell at scsi in front of thomas.

my dad was visiting today, and at one point, scsi almost escaped outside. all my dad said was "oh no! scsi come back!" once we were all back in the house, thomas lost no time looking for scsi. "No. no no!! scsi!" even tried to get at poor scsi hiding under the piano to yell at him more. my dad was surprised at how persistent thomas was about scolding scsi. even though we stopped scolding scsi, thomas still remembers months later. Ugh!

learning to pick my battles all over again

i think i have mentioned at least a couple times that after we had thomas, we started arguing more than we ever had in 9 years of marriage. even at the hospital, we had a couple arguments. hopefully william doesn't mind me sharing this, but at the very end of the year, we had a particularly bad fight that spanned almost 3 days. yes, 3 days, and it was mostly b/c i was not going to give in! of course, i can't remember what kicked it off, it was probably inconsequential to the true cause of our constant bickering. i was being really stubborn and basically decided that if he wanted a crappy Christmas, i would give him a really crappy one. i was so, so angry that i actually started thinking about starting new. i didn't need william or his baby. i could work, find a new life. i didn't need the way he was treating me. i stewed and stewed over the fact that i deserved better. can you believe what i was contemplating?? i would NEVER leave thomas or william, but i was thinking and fantasizing about it. i was so fully given in to my anger. yucks! in 9 years, even in a rare, blow out argument, i never thought about leaving until last year. it is easy to see why people get divorced. it is the easy way out - you never have to be an adult and learn to compromise and share responsibility. and yeah selfish too.

on a side note, i was not mean to thomas, but i did completely ignore him. which is just as bad. i still remember hearing his little voice call out "mommy?" and giving no answer back. the sad look of confusion and hesitation on his face, as he watched me walk around, not making eye contact with him. he absolutely knew that daddy and mommy were fighting and that mommy was not happy with something. and he had nightmares that night. 5-6 of them where he woke up crying and screaming out. thomas is a really good sleeper and rarely wakes up between 9:30 and 7:30am. i knew it was b/c we had been arguing. thinking of that now, i really regret taking it out on him in that way.

william broke the standoff on the 24th, by giving me a hug and asking that we not make this a bad start to the new year. that completely broke me. i would have just started sobbing right there if i wasn't still trying to hold my pride in. me and my stupid pride! i should have just hugged him back but i didn't want to give in yet. stubborn ass... :p

anyways, we were talking about it few days later and realized, that we've become much less tolerant of each other. having a kid not only adds physical stress, but since we are chronically sleep deprived, makes us less tolerant. so all of our patience and love are used up on thomas and we have none left for each other.
i think we have stopped picking battles wisely and allow every little thing that comes up to bother us. it is terrible, not to mention exhausting too! but once we were able to see what was happening, we have both consciously tried to break that pattern. kind of a new year's resolution, but more of a desire to break a bad habit. i mean, b4 thomas, our relationship was really good. we had learned what was important to each other and gave in when we needed to. what happened to that?

with thomas in the picture, all of sudden, i don't want to give in. i don't want to concede or just take it. i want to fight back and not just let him know that was a crappy thing to do, or that i didn't like his tone of voice or his attitude. not just let him know, but throw something bitchy back. i can even feel my ire growing as i try to tell myself to cool it. but i just can't help myself sometimes! i have a feeling that pregnancy and it's aftermath play a part. for women, it changes your hormonal balance, and i haven't felt very emotionally stable at all for the past 2 years. even being aware of it doesn't help. i mean, let's face it - it is hard to fight being on your cycle and being sleep deprived at the same time!!!

at least b4 thomas, it was predictable for about a 4 week pattern. ha ha... but now, we are both all over the place. i just never know when something is going to tick me off. and william is no better. with a new high stress job (started July 07), i have no idea when he is moody and irritable either. the smallest hint of disagreement from me can put him in a down mood that takes him down the dark side. and he doesn't bounce back fast either. not to mention beer/wine at least 5 days a week, the more than occasional smoke with buddies who want company in their foul habit, and having to listen daily to a needy co-worker who disparages everything his wife does. none of that helps.

i tell you, if you or your husband has a high-stress job, you need to allow for that in your relationship. home should be a place to come home and relax, not have more stress. i have never seen william so high-strung from job related stress (he has been lucky) and his behavior in the last 6 months is different from anything i have seen from him, ever. maybe the only time that came close is when he was taking his state dental board exams in 1996, but we were much younger and i didn't know him as well.

so all these things have conspired to bring our relationship down. we are trying to reverse it, but it's def an uphill battle. it is always easier to give in to anger and resentment, always. the devil makes sure of that. so put in a prayer for us! we could use it. and maybe if you care to, share what you have been struggling with too. it is always nice to hear we are not the only ones and we'll pray for you too. good friends make life easier :)

william takes step one

i thought william's comment would make a good post so i am pasting it in.
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Another chapter in Thomas-ville has passed. Each evening we've been falling asleep together (me in his room) for almost a year now. I used to use this time to chat with him and recite the alphabets or numbers. It was nice and consistent.

These days, after being in the dark for about 20 minutes, I'd get up and tell him I'll be outside the den reading a book and asks him if he wants the door open/closed. He usually says closed and proceeds to turn his head away. After that, he's out in 15-30 minutes.

So sadly, he no longer wants me in the room anymore and I no longer have to be "held down" until 9:30pm or 10:00pm.

All that fearing/paranoia about Thomas not being able to detach himself from me having to be in the same room went away within a day, kind of like how Sara decided one day the binky is no longer hip.

I tell ya, they'll U-turn on a dime so enjoy whatever silly things they might be doing now because next month it could be all over and you'd have to rely on memory (or videos)...
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now i need to get william out of thomas' bed. somehow convince william that he doesn't need to sleep there AAAaaaall night. it would be nice to have someone back in my bed :)

my favorite thing

i almost forgot, for the last 2-3 weeks, when he is all tucked in, ready to sleep, i go in and ask him for a goodnight kiss. he takes hold of my face with both hands (those wonderful, soft, little starfish hands) and gives me kisses all over my face. i love it!!

Two Years old...

sooooo... thomas is 2 years old. wow! well to start, thank you to everyone that sent cards and well wishes for his 2nd b-day. we actually had a very low key b-day, 2 candles stuck in a cookie and a couple presents to open (one big shopping bag filed with train tracks and accessories and another lot of 20+ cars/trucks, both courtesy of craigslist). he blew the candles out 1 at a time really efficiently and even sang the song along with us. we didn't think he would get it but he watched his friend, dylan, blow out candles at his b-day a month ago, and i think he actually remembered it. this could be the only year that he doesn't care about b-day parties so i took advantage of that. by the time kids are three, they often want certain themes or items. ugh...
here he is giving his "camera smile" for mommy & daddy. this craigslist seller only wanted $25 for an 10 gallon bin filled with train stuff. cool deal!

he started playing with cars & tools in the last month...not just numbers and letters, puzzles and blocks.


it is really amazing at the age of two, what they are able to remember. as someone that wasn't interested in kids 5 years ago, i thought toddlers were these semi-developed, spaced-out, unaware neanderthal babies. ha ha... how wrong i was. by the time thomas was 15 months, he already knew how to "disobey" us when we told him to stay on the bed for naps. he would take a step or two, and as soon as i would say "get back on the bed", he would scurry back to the edge of the bed. crazy! *sigh* wow, i can't believe my eyes now. we have said to each other many times that we got the fully-functional toddler version, not b/c thomas is any more special than all of those special babies out there, but b/c their little brains really do pick up fast how to swindle and cajole and sweet-talk you.

in the last 2 months, he has changed a lot but it has been hard to keep up with it. i want to document more, but like ethan's mom said, you want to at least post blogs that are coherent. i ramble enough as it is. i think i will post as much as i can in the next week. again more to document stuff he has done in the last month or new things that have been happening in thomas' brain. of course, he loves to imitate and he talks a lot more now. last weekend, william lifted him high up and he caught some air. on his way down, thomas said "too high. too high." sooo funny...

one of the more notable things is that he finally as selected a "lovey." many of the other children i know have some favorite stuffed animal or blanket or binkie that comforts them when they feel the need to cling. thomas likes teddy bear too, but as you can see elmo is definitely the preferred item. bear is just something for the other arm. one morning, he ID'ed him as bear, placing that picture card on him. william happened to catch that on camera, along with another fake smile.


almost every time he wakes up alone, the 1st thing he looks for is elmo. then he comes looking for us. it is so cute, going up the stairs when i hear him stirring from his nap, to see him standing at his doorway, cheeks all flushed, clutching elmo. half the time, i nap too. i usually awake to his little feet pattering across the hallway. and then he appears at the side of my bed with elmo. so CUTE!

he also has finally moved beyond ABC and 123 books. for a good 6-7 months, the books he always pulled out, both at home and at the library were letter and number books. i always tried to read him simple story books, but after a couple pages he would realize that there were no big # or letters. very authoritatively get another book for me to read. he currently likes the children's classic: "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie." i think i am going to try "Alexander and the Wind-Up Mouse" next. that was one of my favorites when i was a tot.

one last series of pics to end this very long post - thomas doing "i've been working on the railroad". whenever he hears that song on one of his toys, he runs around to find his railroad hat. he puts it on, usually crooked, and starts to get down with it. little arms going like train wheels. he loves music and dancing!