my mom... on the move again

as some of you know, my mom has some health issues. i try not to think about it most of the time, but it is a source of great worry for me when i do sit down and ponder her future. i know she is an adult and that she is in God's hands, but while she is still on planet earth, she has no one else for now. she will eventually need long-term care of some kind but for now she is pretty high functioning (she can still pay her bills and make semi-reasonable decisions). so even though she drives me COMPLETELY nuts sometimes, i do my best to stay in touch with her, as my way of letting her know that i care about her. it is probably a little unhealthy - i do have frequent dreams where i am just screaming at her. but at least i can get it out in my dreams and be patient with her in real life. anyways, she is more comfortable speaking korean (even after speaking english for 30+ years) but will probably not find many korean speaking friends in long-term care facilities. it is difficult to find good long-term care and very expensive when you do. blah blah blah, sorry to bore you with the details.

she moved again a week ago. when my parents got divorced in 2003, she sold their home (the home we have had since 1984...which was a little sad) in saratoga in 2004. since then she has moved every 4-5 months. she sold or gave away most of what was in the house so she has very little to pack when she moves. she has always found other divorced or widowed korean ladies to live with but this time she is living with a young korean couple in mountain view with a 2 year old boy and a 6 month old girl. they are in their early 30's just like us. they are all living in a 3 bedroom house and the place is very cluttered to say the least. yikes!
i am not certain about this new development in her living arrangements but there is one very positive thing that has happened. she actually complemented me on the state of my house and told me that i am doing a great job with being at home. wow... i mean WOW! for those of you who don't know, korean moms in general are not good at encouraging in a positive way. they love you but they seem to have this unending need to point out all of your deficiencies and areas where you could be doing better or handling more efficiently. ask anyone with a traditional korean mom. so after spending the day with my mom, i am exhausted from countering all of her criticisms. if you do not have a strong sense of self, it can really wear you down. however, after putting up with their clutter and disarray for two weeks and then coming to visit me, she said that the house was clean and was proud of me for what a good job i was doing with everything. i know she has had to live in a really messy house, so by contrast, mine wasn't so bad anymore. but it was still amazing to hear that from her with no prodding/poking. usually i am saying things to her like "jees mom, don't you have anything nice to say to me?" or "can we make a rule that from now on, whenever you pick on something you also have to say something positive?" then her response is "of course you are doing a good job. i am not criticizing, i am just being a mom". anyways, it is really nice to see her happy when she holds or plays with thomas. she doesn't have much to be happy about these days and i have to admit, lately she looks really old to me - more than her 56 years. sometimes i think her heart is tired.