cupcakes and father's day

this was a great weekend! we got saturday all to ourselves - it was so nice not to have to rush anywhere, do anything or have anything planned. we finally got a dresser and some shelves for thomas' room. it is starting to look like a real room and we have to admit, it is foolishly and completely satisfying to walk in there. somehow it is so very satisfying to see this little room we have put together for thomas. now, we both get why parents spend time/money making their baby rooms so cute - it is nice! :)

as you can see we also got a chance to take more photos of thomas (some on sat and some on sunday morning). finally got him smiling! it was william's suggestion to take the photos first thing in the morning. babies are definitely fresher in the morning (as one of our other new mom/friend, Liz says). the only thing that sucks about taking your own pics is that it is really hard to get perfectly clear shots - babies move around so much. can see why have a $1000+ camera that can take rapid action shots in succession would be a real benefit.

here he is sitting on his own! look at that funny little look in his face. in the next shot he got a little help from dad - so happy getting a little sitting assistance.

on sunday, mom helped thomas write a card for dad and even colored in a cartoon picture for him (from his precious moments coloring book). we had french toast for breakfast (with cream cheese and nutella in the middle). yummy!!!

we went to dinner with two other new dads: vijay ®ina and john & liz. unfortunately ethan was on a father's day break because his mommy did not get anything for mother's day. perhaps next year, ethan will help dad "remember" to help him with a card for mom! :p

i went to IKEA for the furniture on Tuesday last week. while we were there, we passed a trendy little bakery on Bay Street called Teacake Bake Shop. there were selling these ridiculously adorable cupcakes for $3 each. sheesh! ever since eyeing those cupcakes in the window, i have been craving cupcakes. so i made a batch of cupcakes using a recipe out of America's test kitchen. it was for white birthday cake but it worked out great for cupcakes. here is my version below - they tasted yummy too. after dinner, regina/vijay/sara and liz/john/ethan came over and helped us eat them. we all had at least 2 each (i think i ate four over the course of the day....) and they took some home too. next time, i'll have to make a bigger batch!


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Happy Father's Day to my wonderful dear husband and even more wonderful dad! i would not be surviving this very well without you. it is funny but when you see your husband loving your child, it makes them even more wonderful. still can't believe we were so stubborn for 8+ years...

more on the art of breastfeeding

look - he is getting better and better at sitting! so cute :)

it has been 5 months now and i finally feel like it is natural when i am feeding thomas. crazy! i am not sure exactly when it happened.. somewhere around 4 months i think. it was actually uncomfortable for me for the first 6-7 weeks (esp when he would first latch on). after that, it was just awkward. not to mention leaking and feeling like they were going to explode if i didn't feed thomas or pump every 3-4 hours. somewhere around 3 to 4 months, i learned how to feed thomas without the pillow and without my sofa at home with all of my cushions set up perfectly so. i have always wanted to, ever since i witnessed queen naomi as she effortlessly fed Dylan while walking around. :)
breastfeeding really is an art.... or a skill that you have to learn and then perfect - just like driving. i always thought it would be more natural, but it really isn't. on top of that babies have to learn too. most of them pick it up pretty fast, but they have to perfect it as well. the first month or two, they are just sucking at anything and then choking when the milk starts coming too fast. by the time they are 3 months old they get really good and can actually suck the milk out more efficiently than the pump. every single book and website i have looked at says that and the older thomas gets the more inclined i am to believe it. another thing that happened is that around 3-4 months, my body adjusted to Thomas and stopped overproducing milk. they say many women produce too much milk for baby the first 12 weeks or so. as your body adapts, it starts to ease off and produce exactly how much they need based on how often they feed. it is really really amazing. i actually was a little distressed when that happened to me because i thought i was not producing enough. even thomas was a little fussy because the milk would not flood out the way it did the first few months. so that made me feel like i really wasn't producing enough. they say this is common and that many women mistakenly stop breastfeeding or start adding formula when this happens, thinking that they should wean their baby off. so my doctor's advice was to go by diapers. as long as thomas was wetting at least 6-8 diapers a day, he is getting enough to eat. easy enough. when i was overproducing, he would finish each feeding in 5 minutes tops. he was a fast sucker. ha ha... once i leveled off, he would try the same speed guzzling method but wasn't getting as much. it really worried me. luckily, Thomas adjusted too and now takes 5-10 minutes to drink. he also takes both sides in one meal. he used to only need one at a time. the best thing about all this is that i no longer leak at random times because my boobs don't get ridiculously full of milk anymore... to the point where they are painfully full. yay...

however, now that he is his little very aware self, he is SUPER distractible. i can't even read anymore when he is drinking because he hears the crinkle of book or magazine pages and his little head swings off towards the source of interest. then he reaches out to try to grab the pages and help me read. this is especially hilarious and irritating when he does this right as the milk starts coming out. then i have like 5 of these leeeittle geysers of milk spraying on the pillow, on his head, his face, the sofa and me. if he hears anyone else talking besides me (i.e. DAD) he swings off to check it out. if he hears something outside, like a car horn or siren, he pulls off to check it out. he is so funny, so irritating and so funny. sometimes when i feel him start to pull off, i try to lock his head in place with my hands. but that darn little neck is getting really strong and even if i am squishing his adorable little ears, cheeks and nose, he STILL makes every effort to turn towards the interesting sound. man!!! little shyster!

the downside is i went from a C (esp those first 2 months, they were like coconuts!) to a B back to an A. ah well, it was short-lived, but at least i got to be a bustier girl for a few months. :p

another funny thing is he has a little better control of his limbs now so he utilizes them while he is drinking. sometimes his hand (on the arm under his body) reaches up to tickle my armpit. his toes are usually kicking at either my side or my armpit. it is especially tickly when his toes hit my armpit. his free arm is usually wildly roaming about, exploring my chin/mouth or my shirt. he also likes to slam his hand into my chest. repeatedly. ha ha.... not so funny when his nails are too long.
in the last month, he has gotten especially good at what i like to call digging for gold. he crams his hand right down into my bra, and starts grabbing at whatever he can find down there. sometimes the bra strap, other times my boob, many times the little, round nursing pads i have in there to prevent leaks. the funny thing is he will grab it, pull it right out and swing it around (all this while drinking). even funnier is that it has a sticky strip on the back. so sometimes when he tries to let go so that he can go digging around for something else to grab, it sticks to his hand. so there is thomas drinking away, little pad stuck to his hand as it is waving around... :)

--------falling asleep in the car-----------

thomas looks so sad when he is falling asleep. those little eyes looking at you, just makes me want to scoop him up and hug him! william chronicled it as we were driving home one day. he gives you this really sad little face and then the eyes start to roll back. of course he is still drooling the entire time. the only time he stops drooling is when he is asleep. thank goodness or the entire bed would be drooly by morning!

the last three weeks

the weeks since we went to Audrey & Alan's wedding have been busy. we have had weekly visits from william's parents, my dad came for lunch and we finally visited my mom for her birthday (which was june 4th). there was a memorial day bbq with john, liz & ethan, and a northern california reception dinner for Audrey & Alan. every weekend has been busy! how can this be... we were busy before baby, and now that baby is a little older, we are busy yet again. *sigh*
here is a nice picture of Thomas hamming it up for William's mom. both all smiles! william actually looks a lot like his mom. his sisters as well. his dad looks like action star chow yun fat from the side. too bad william doesn't look like chow yun fat :p heh heh... just kidding :)

on a side note, the nocal wedding reception for Audrey & Alan was very nice affair - Thomas's second formal event! :) We got to see a lot of the families from Tri-Valley Bible Church that we have not seen since we left to start Faithwalk in 2002. It was esp nice to see Linda & Walter and the parents of many of the kids we first met when they were just starting high school. time really flies because many of these "kids" are now working adults.

here's a shout-out to Jeanette and Sherry - thanks so much for calling and thinking about us! we're looking forward to seeing you in July!


-------------- SPOILING BABY ------------------
hey colors! all these formatting options - i was completely blind to the format bar right there! for some reason i thought you had to do things in html to get formatting. anyways, for some reason it has been really hard to get any time on the computer in the last 2 weeks. just checking email has been a struggle, much less finding time to post. am i spoiling him?? maybe i hold him too much.... who knows! i think i have to be better about putting him down in his crib or swing so he learns to entertain himself. i am still getting thank you cards done one by one, here and there. so painful. i can't believe i have been so neglectful of getting those done.

random pictures... brain farts...

william likes to post these random collections of pics up just so that he can admire them when he is at work. how silly!

anyways, it is so funny how different thomas looks depending on the expression on his face. sometimes he looks like me, most of the times like william. but occasionally he looks like my dad or william's dad. william's mom always thinks he looks like my dad and frets that thomas looks like a "korean baby". (by the way, i have no idea why the fact that he looks korean is something to fret about... he is half korean). on the flip side, my mom claims that thomas looks just like william's dad. you just can't win! it is just the two grandmothers, seeing the other side of the family "oh he looks like the other side of the family" because both grandmothers like to worry and fret "glass is half empty" type of mentality. nothing i can do about that... *shrug* :)

Thomas is now 5 months old. he weighs about 17 lbs and is a little over 26" long. we have discovered it is true that babies have different cries for when they are hungry, or tired or just want your attention. i used to think that was a load of bologna, but after about 3-4 months with thomas, william and i realized that he did have different meanings for his sounds. we also think that thomas is a pretty mellow baby. he loves music (many babies do) but he seems particularly fascinated when william sits and plays the guitar. even when thomas is getting hungry, he will stop fussing to listen and watch william play. so as you can see in the pic, we are trying to introduce a little piano too. although by the look on thomas face, i have a ways to go before he starts to enjoy it. ha ha... i REALLY want him to play classical music first. he can play whatever he wants later, but i believe if he doesn't have a firm grasp of theory and technical skill first, he'll always lack later, regardless of what type of music he plays.

here is a perfect girly picture of thomas. i was getting tired of people asking if he is a boy or a girl. so last Monday, i finally cut Thomas' hair. his first haircut on June 5th! he no longer has those girly little extensions behind his ears on both sides. i didn't save any of his hair, but i wish i took a picture. i cut it while he was sleeping on my lap. it is kind of scary having scissors so close to his head.

constantly changing and our first road trip!

man they were not kidding when they say "don't get comfortable." as soon as you think they have a pattern down, they change on you. after 3 months, thomas was pretty good about falling asleep around 10pm and sleeping until 4am, then sleeping from roughly 5:30 to 8:30. it was a good schedule. for some reason unknown to us, he decided around 4 months that 10pm was not a good time to go to sleep. so he started staying awake until 11 sometimes 11:30pm. BUT he was still waking up around 4:30 or 5pm for a feeding.

we went to audrey & alan's wedding down in LA. it was Thomas' first road trip! as you can see from the pic, he got his own bed and we discovered he LIKES soft fluffy beds. he would fall asleep and sleep every night for anywhere from 7 to 9 hours straight! it was amazing. the little guy saw so many new things each day and met new people that he was exhausted by 11pm and slept a full night's sleep. it was wonderful for william and i the entire 5 day vacation. the only thing that sucked was that i was still waking up here and there after 4am to see if he was still ok. but that is ok! so now the first week back at home, he still refused to go to sleep until 11pm. yesterday, william watched him for a few hours so i could get some stuff done. i usually try to make things fairly quiet and non-active after 8pm to let him know it is night time. but william worked him last night. he had him on his tummy, practice standing, in the bjorn carrier around the house. all kinds of exciting things. so by 10pm he was all tuckered out and fell asleep! so i tried it again tonight. all kinds of activity, right up until 9:30. lo and behold - he was asleep by 10pm again! so i have learned that i need to tire him out if i expect him to get sleepy earlier. i was not expending all his little baby energy the way i was doing it. we'll see if this new pattern can be sustained or not...


on another note, thomas is getting better and better at sitting with a little assistance. i have to find one of those bumbo seat things on craigslist. look at how focused his little face is at trying to maintain his balance.






babies are pretty funny - i think they really know when they are succeeding at something because their little faces reflect so much pride in themselves when they do something new. esp anything that involves movement.

mother's day

just to recap for posterity...

i can't believe we are all mothers! i mean, of course i can, but it is so amazing what a change all of us new parents have gone through this past year. it is humbling and humiliating at times. but at the same time, it is joyful and so completely fills your heart. kind of like becoming christian. before i accepted Christ as my savior, i didn't realize what i was missing,. once i found Christ, it was like my heart was full where it had been empty. with kids, i didn't realize what i was missing out on, until we had Thomas. now i think, wow how stupid was i to think i didn't need children to complete my life. i can not believe we waited so long. we were idiots!
anyways, it was really nice because i received a card, half "from thomas" and half from william. thomas gave me my first mother's day card! :) it was very cute and i kept it in my purse for a week so i could read it whenever i wanted. william said it was supposed to come with a little flower picked from outside, but "thomas didn't quite get to the backyard before i woke up that morning."
then i found out that william's sister, Jenny had been getting on his case on my behalf (thanks jenny!). but to give the william credit, he spent almost three months serving me meals in bed when i was on bedrest so he's off the hook for all future mother's days and birthdays. ha ha...

Some Recent Pics

Crafty Thomas continued! Heh heh I finally gave mom a heart attack because I escaped from the bowl today! I'm so proud of myself when I landed on the ground...luckily mommy put pillows around the swing. Now she straps me in all the time... :(


My BEST friend DONKEY!! Guess what I'm doing? Whispering a secret joke to him or chewing on his foot?

I Can Touch my Toes!!

8 hour milestone (not)

Thomas hit a milestone last night - he slept for 8 hours straight! and i think he would have slept for another half hour but i just had to wake him up. before this he has always done 6 hours or close to 7. wow! i mean wow, i am not sure he will repeat it tonight but it sure made me feel proud of him :)


Interesting Website
have you been to www.zillow.com? if you type in your address, it gives the current est. value of your house, as well as all the other houses in the area. if you click on "See Home Details" it gives year built, sq ft, recent sales history, property tax info and accessed land/building value. recently sold comparable homes in your area... all kinds of info. i know it is all public information, but I think this it the first website that has made it so readily available, all in one spot without having to sign up for anything. kind of addictive... i just spent the last 30 minutes looking up every single house i ever lived in, along with anyone i know that lives in a house. sorry... heh heh i am being nosy! :p

Happy Thomas & Mom

I wanted to post these 2 pictures up of a smiling Thomas and his beautiful mother....happy mother's day! -William

beware hot soup

on Sunday at church i was talking to one of the guys (cindy's husband, andrew). he told me that a friend of theirs had a terrible accident with their 3 year old daughter. they had chinese take out on the counter and she reached up and was able to just reach the soup. it spilled and she got THIRD degree burns from it. THIRD DEGREE BURNS!!! it touched her chin, shoulder, neck and part of her chest. they were trying to help her and run her under cold water and her skin just FELL off. i mean, he said that they said her nipple just slid off along with portions of her poor baby skin. it made me cringe, i mean your heart aches when you hear stuff like that. so they rushed her to the hospital and their poor kid needs skin grafts now. all from a stupid freaking container of take out soup.
just reminded me of how careful we need to be with our precious little ones...along with a good dose of prayer for God to keep them safe when we can't.

Thomas and his cousin Ariana

i was looking at pictures of my little niece that my sister, Anita and her husband, Brian have posted and Thomas and Ariana look soooo alike at certain angles! i tried to get a shot today where he had the same expression as in the photo Brian took, but it was hard. Ariana is quite fixated on tv in the photo he got.... hee hee. plus his camera (costo mucho dinero) takes these awesome, clear beautiful pics. but take a look and tell me they don't look alike to a certain degree. they are definitely cousins. who's who??? :)

Crafty Thomas

Hm...I've learned something new in the last few days. I've figured out that my right hand can touch my left hand. Wow..check out all the fingers I have!









I'm trying to plan my grand escape. After being trapped by my alien parents, I must find a way to get away!









Darn!
My attempt to get away was foiled by the stupid bowl...when alien mommy went away for a few minutes, I tried to escape but got myself stuck! Crafty Thomas' plan is foiled!

wonder woman :)

hey, i finally took the superhero test from johnny's blog. and the best part? it's bound to make everyone feel good about themselves! :)
oh one of you html whizes, please tell me how to get rid of all the space! thanks :)

I am Wonder Woman

a beautiful princess with great strength of character

Wonder Woman 82% Superman 80% Robin 72% Green Lantern 70% Supergirl 67%

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test


The test for "Which Star Wars Character are you?" was a funnier result for me. it almost rings true... just kidding hubby! :)

You are: Padme
You try to be a good person, but your boyfriend/husband doesn't.
At least you look great.

Padme 76% Princess Leia 69% R2-D2 65% Han Solo 61% C-3PO 60%

Click here to take the "Which Star Wars character am I?" quiz...

tv or not tv

i know a lot of sources out there say tv is really bad. and who knows, maybe by allowing thomas to watch a little tv, i am dooming him to a life of ADD or the inability to sit still. but hey, dad can not sit still either and he seems to be doing ok... :)

about a month ago (after thomas hit 3 months) i started watching sesame street with him. he especially likes elmo's world. usually not more than 10 minutes in the morning before he takes a nap. also when we are watching news, if he watches a little along with us, we don't mind. i do guard him from any images that might be too strong for his little developing brain. and william lets him watch bicycle racing footage when he watches.

when he first became aware of the TV, he would get easily distracted by it, cranning his little neck around to see where it was and giving me frustrated grunts or schrieks when he couldn't locate the source. this was around 2 months old. we were actually shocked at how early babies learn to be fascinated by tv! but now, at 4 months, he usually doesn't look for more than a minute (esp for news... booooring, no bright colors). he doesn't mind not being able to see the tv where he hears it and i can watch stuff i have recorded while he feeds. so for now, the "don't let them know it's not allowed" is working for us. william's mom actually did that to all three kids one halloween. she just let them go to town and PIG out on candy until they all felt sick. after that, none of them were into sweets. she must have been laughing inside watching them all with their little bellyaches. clever grandma.

so we have our own little mini social experiment. most of our friends with same age babies are sticking to no TV until 1 or 2 years of age. i'll have to wait and see if thomas' attention span is shorter than all of them.

God is good! grumpy ladies part 2

God is so good... I went to Joanne's Crafts and there was a different lady there manning the register! thank you Lord! it probably sounds funny to thank God for such trivial things... but then it has happened so often that i know He is there, answering even the smallest prayers.
anyways, what was funny was the grumpy lady remembered me (i have no idea what she has against me) and she actually said "You want to stay in that line" not even really asking me as a question because she didn't wait for me to answer, just pointed a finger at the lady behind me and said "i can take you next".
bottom line, i got to apply my coupon retroactively and got a $100 cut of fabric for $50 YAY!... it is black velvet and should give us some great pics of thomas, especially once we get all his little clothes off :) heh heh...

audrey's bridal shower

this past sunday, we went to audrey's bridal shower. it was really nice to see everyone. cheyene, betty, angela, regina, naomi, liz and of course audrey. alan's sister, amy and audrey's friend, cindy organized the shower. thomas was yet again very coy with all the ladies. all smiles until he got sleepy - and then he fell asleep on audrey's lap. we played some of the usual bridal shower games, but we also got to make flower pens in little pots to keep them upright :) i am keeping mine in the car - a convenient thing to put in the cup holder! she had an arts and crafts theme, so she got a lot of really cool gifts around scrap booking, stamping, and knitting.

thinking about crafts...anyone that does any craft or hobby knows that it is very very easy to go overboard with the supplies that go along with crafts. they make it so easy when you walk into michael's or joanne's to scoop up every pretty thing you see, in all the colors you want and walk out. then you get home and realize that you have $100 worth of new crafts supplies and NO WHERE to store them. luckily i am not into scrapbooking - i was overwhelmed trying to buy audrey a scrap booking-related gift (which was my assignment). there is so much stuff it is mind boggling!! so i focused on wedding themes - so she could put together all of the photos she is sure to receive from friends & family on her wedding day.

i also love crafts, specifically knitting, sewing, painting and gift wrapping. i have 2 HUGE bags full of different yarns and 7 different size kitting needles. a sewing machine, 5 gallon rubbermaid filled with different thread colors, 3 different types of scissors, all sorts of tools to make alterations, and at least 70 yards of different fabrics (all slated for projects around the house of course). plus 2 - 18 gallon rubbermaids filled with ribbons/flowers/giftwrap. another 18 gallon toolbox full of paints and brushes, not to mention several large canvases. i won't even mention all of the other crafts i "just dabble" in. crazy! what i really need is a room, just for all of my arts and crafts.

for you guys out there, it is like the tool box. it starts out as one tool box. then you walk into the auto parts shop and admire all of the gleaming tool boxes and shiny rows and rows of wrenches and screwdrivers. soon you have a garage full of beautiful shiny tools and no where to put more except for on top of the other stuff you have. well hey at least you HAVE a room to put it in - the garage. crafts are trickier. your average house does not have spare bedrooms just lying around. if i could expand this house, it would be to make the kitchen bigger and add a large room just for all of my arts & crafts supplies!

beautiful weather! and grumpy ladies

it is so nice and sunny. finally!! ugh, a little nice weather does wonders for the mood. plus it makes going out to the garden with Thomas so much more pleasant. we have taken short walks outside so far but today we are going to take a longer walk. dad is "working from home" so when he comes back from beer thursday, we are heading over to Hacienda Crossings (maybe a mile away?) to get some jamba juice and maybe stroll around barnes & noble or scan through the sale items at old navy.
last week i bought a large bolt of black velvet from joanne's crafts store so we can get some nice photos of thomas. i was waiting for a coupon, but it has been awhile since they have sent any through email. we no longer get newspaper. so i thought, oh well, just get some - we are going to use it for a long time so it is a good investment.
well, of course, the week after i buy it, i get an email coupon. and it is a good one - 50% off the regular price of any one item. so now i have to go back, return what i bought and buy it back using the coupon. ordinarily, i have no problem returning things. but the ladies that work there are such a grumpy bunch, i am a little apprehensive. i mean, we have grumpy lady and really grumpy lady. we'll see if they let me use the coupon retroactively or not...

Thomas' Diary

Hi,

My name is Thomas and I'm going to write in mommy's blog today.





In the morning I helped daddy do some of my laundry. With my drooling, I go through a lot of bibs and here I'm helping daddy load some washcloths.



Then I helped daddy make some coffee that we ground from whole beans. Starbucks Italian Roast that daddy got free with a coupon from my aunt Helen (she donated some money to KQED and got free coffee in return).



Yesterday daddy William went to Crispy Creme's and bought a dozen donuts. Mommy ate 2 yesterday and 2.5 this morning for breakfast:


After a little bit dad decided to have some fun with 2 of the donuts:

Then I went with Mommy to Auntie Audrey's bridal shower. Lots of excitement there and I smiled at all the pretty ladies. I took a nap on Auntie Audrey's lap. Ethan was there too with his mommy. Then to church, then back home.

It was a long day and I got a warm bath and a big meal. Daddy is burping me but I'm already asleep... Good night!

peaceful sleep

When Thomas sleeps, William loves to just stand there and look at his peaceful face. William says that for some odd reason, watching Thomas sleep calms him down if he's had a hectic day...something very soothing about watching babies sleep....

Home for Lunch & Flying!

Thomas gets almost a daily visit during lunch from daddy who make it a point to come home as often as possible. Having work being only 1.5 miles away, it's a short commute and sometimes he comes home all stinky because he rode his bicycle instead of driving....

Here Thomas is having yet another episode of tummy time. Please note the red suit (his flying suit) and the red fire truck on his bib. If you look closely, you'll see he prodigious drooling... :)

growing so fast

all the parents we have talked to say "take lots of pictures. they grow so fast." sheesh they weren't kidding! here is a comparison shot that william put together. the one on the left is from the day we left the hospital - Thomas was 4 days old and had just been named. the shot on the right is at 3 months/2 weeks. look at what a chunky monkey he is :)

shout out to my mervyn's co-workers

on a different, much more positive note, last thursday, i went to visit all of my mervyn's co-workers. it was really really great to see everyone and catch up with what was going on with them. i stayed a lot longer than i expected... 4 hours! it didn't even feel like it was that long. i was talking to one, josephine, and thought that i had only been there for 1-2 hours and then another, jessica, reminded me that i got there a little after 12nooon. poor thomas was conked out in his stroller by the time i left at 4pm.
i have been out since last September and i kept running into people that i was glad to see. plus thomas was being so great - such a ham - smiling and talking to everyone. he was a very good baby that afternoon - maybe it was all the ladies, who knows!
i definitely miss the people there... just not the job :p ha ha... i'll just have to go visit every once in awhile so i can keep in touch. all the benefits of co-workers/friends without the 8 hour daily grind!



here is a great picture i managed to get of thomas soaking up all the attention with my old dept mgr, Nell. look at his rapt face! nell should sit in the pregnancy desk next :)

my mom... on the move again

as some of you know, my mom has some health issues. i try not to think about it most of the time, but it is a source of great worry for me when i do sit down and ponder her future. i know she is an adult and that she is in God's hands, but while she is still on planet earth, she has no one else for now. she will eventually need long-term care of some kind but for now she is pretty high functioning (she can still pay her bills and make semi-reasonable decisions). so even though she drives me COMPLETELY nuts sometimes, i do my best to stay in touch with her, as my way of letting her know that i care about her. it is probably a little unhealthy - i do have frequent dreams where i am just screaming at her. but at least i can get it out in my dreams and be patient with her in real life. anyways, she is more comfortable speaking korean (even after speaking english for 30+ years) but will probably not find many korean speaking friends in long-term care facilities. it is difficult to find good long-term care and very expensive when you do. blah blah blah, sorry to bore you with the details.

she moved again a week ago. when my parents got divorced in 2003, she sold their home (the home we have had since 1984...which was a little sad) in saratoga in 2004. since then she has moved every 4-5 months. she sold or gave away most of what was in the house so she has very little to pack when she moves. she has always found other divorced or widowed korean ladies to live with but this time she is living with a young korean couple in mountain view with a 2 year old boy and a 6 month old girl. they are in their early 30's just like us. they are all living in a 3 bedroom house and the place is very cluttered to say the least. yikes!
i am not certain about this new development in her living arrangements but there is one very positive thing that has happened. she actually complemented me on the state of my house and told me that i am doing a great job with being at home. wow... i mean WOW! for those of you who don't know, korean moms in general are not good at encouraging in a positive way. they love you but they seem to have this unending need to point out all of your deficiencies and areas where you could be doing better or handling more efficiently. ask anyone with a traditional korean mom. so after spending the day with my mom, i am exhausted from countering all of her criticisms. if you do not have a strong sense of self, it can really wear you down. however, after putting up with their clutter and disarray for two weeks and then coming to visit me, she said that the house was clean and was proud of me for what a good job i was doing with everything. i know she has had to live in a really messy house, so by contrast, mine wasn't so bad anymore. but it was still amazing to hear that from her with no prodding/poking. usually i am saying things to her like "jees mom, don't you have anything nice to say to me?" or "can we make a rule that from now on, whenever you pick on something you also have to say something positive?" then her response is "of course you are doing a good job. i am not criticizing, i am just being a mom". anyways, it is really nice to see her happy when she holds or plays with thomas. she doesn't have much to be happy about these days and i have to admit, lately she looks really old to me - more than her 56 years. sometimes i think her heart is tired.

Being alone with baby

sometimes it is very lonely being at home all day alone with just baby. especially with all of the rainy days we have had, it is tough not to feel a little down. Of course, i talk to thomas but sometimes i forget and it is quiet throughout the house. the first couple months i had the tv on constantly, but there is really not a whole lot on tv during the day so i haven't been watching much. occasionally discovery channel has something interesting, but they have so much chopper and FBI stuff, that got old. usually i will turn it on to check the listings for interesting shows. if nothing pops up, i turn to magazines or books.
on a side note, i just finished reading "the Davinchi Code". it was a fascinating read, very quick (like the harry potter books) but i felt a little cheated when i found out that half of the stuff in the book was made up or exaggerated. i guess that is a very good thing because if it was all fact, i think it would make me go hmmm..... anyways...

ever since thomas has been cooing, when it has been quiet for long enough, he reminds me with a little question mark coo to see if i am still there. that always makes me want to hug him and start up a semi-steady stream of one sided conversation again. before thomas i was a worker bee from 1995 to 2005. that's ten years of being able to do whatever i wanted whenever i wanted. spending days in the office and nights at home with william. from that to being at home 24/7 can make a person go a little batty. i know that i should be very thankful that i can stay at home and watch after him and i am. i thank God that william's salary is enough for our little growing family. but i have always wanted to start my own business. actually, it keeps me up at night sometimes, because i start thinking about business plans and what would work and what wouldn't. all that stuff starts getting my brain excited and then it is hard to get myself to sleep at 10pm or 6am. i just have to be patient and put it on hold for a few years. there are a ton of women out there who devoted themselves to kids and then jumped back in/got advanced degrees after kids were in school and went on to have fantastic careers. kids are truly all about patience.

of course, william comes home in the evenings and weekends, we all get to spend some time together. this photo was a lucky catch as i was snapping away. sorry dad, i cut your face out... wasn't thinking about you at the moment. :)

look at the joy on his face!!! seeing this, even with Thomas asleep in the other room, just gives me the most amazing indescribable feeling, that aching lovey dovey feeling in your heart i guess. words can't describe it.

Another flying picture...babies love flying :)

3 month update with mr. frog :)

look! thomas is as big as mr frog now. wow... he recently learned that he can grab onto things if he can coordinate his thumb with his fingers. so he now grabs at his bib, our clothes, our skin, toys on his bouncy chair and anything else that strikes his fancy. he is not quite a pro yet but it was so neat to see him really grab toys for the first time, with purpose, not the wild, wind milling, smash and grab job he has been doing.

almost all of the parents we know have been telling us "don't get too comfortable. just when you think you have a routine down, they change on you." so for a few weeks now, he has been pretty good about going to sleep between 9 and 10pm and waking up and 4am and 7-8am for food. 3-4 days ago, he has decided that is not good enough. so he still goes to sleep at 9-10pm but he gets hungry around 2am and 4am and 6am and 7am and 8am.... etc...
ok, that sounds funny, but it is not! we are thinking it is a growth spurt. if so, i hope it doesn't last too long. on saturday, we actually watched our first movie since the beginning of the year "Walk The Line" (it was a good movie). so we went to sleep a little late (1am). when i got up at 4am i could barely stay upright. luckily it was a good quick feeding and i was back in bed by 4:30. unfortunately, he decided at 5:30 that he was hungry again. so i stumbled into his room and fed him. well this time, he decided that he was awake. he just would not go back to sleep. i was so tired i couldn't really even walk straight. every time i would try to ease him from an upright position to lying down in my arms, his sweet little face would go from happy alert to red mad crying face. you know i LOVE loooove thomas but there are times when i want to run away screaming, run as far away as i can. poor thomas. william had a funny term for it. he admitted to me this morning that he was impatient with thomas early this morning. so had burped him pretty hard. he said that he was trying to stay calm but that thomas has a secret weapon! what was that? crying. or rather his piercing wind-up screeching. yes at 3 in the morning, that is truly a devastating weapon, even the best are fallen by it.

on another topic, thomas has recently learned how to fly. he learned from his friend sara and he loves it! notice his little arms straight back like little wings. although, he drools so much we have to hold our hands under his mouth to catch the drool... :p

15.5 pounds and rolly polly thighs

i started noticing last week that Thomas' skin gets really red right where the elastic from the diaper closes around his fat little thigh. so we actually decided today to return a pack of number 2 diapers (fits up to 16 pounds) and william picked up two packs of number 3 diapers instead. that claims to fit 16 to 28 pounds. pretty big spread. you know, he is not that long at all (maybe 23 inches) - just sooo very fat! i mean look at this photo - this is his left thigh - i swear i didn't doctor the photo! can you believe those rolls??? :0 it is truly like the michelin man.

the funny mark on his knee is actually the shadow of the camera cord hanging down (not a scar or birthmark). talking about birthmarks, he actually does have a funny birthmark right on his left butt check that coincindentally almost matches one that his daddy has... :) ha ha...

feeling 34 and a new hairdo

thanks to all for the well wishes on my 34th birthday. there is nothing like a baby to make you feel every year of your age. my body is just plain achy... i have come to accept it as part of parenting... *sigh* i wouldn't do anything differently regarding Thomas except for the age factor. sometimes i think it would have been nice to have the baby when i was younger simply because your body tolerates the abuses so much better when you are younger. anyways...

i wanted to change my hair up a little b/c it has been over a year since i have had it cut. so i got a perm today! :p the last time i got a perm was 1988 when perms left you smelling like sulfur for days afterwards and gave you slight burns wherever it got on your face. they were also really frizzy. it took 3.5 hours and half way through (with my head full of rollers and a plastic shower cap over it), i started to get really nervous and thinking "what am i doing?! this is nuts... i am going to end up looking like my horrendous 10th grade picture!" by then it was too late - i was sitting under a heat lamp playing music like the kind you get on baby mobiles. the hair stylist kept reassuring me that it would be just fine. yeah easy for you to say. you are not the one that is going to end up looking electrocuted.

lucky for me, times have changed and when she started taking the rollers out, these nice loose curls dropped down one by one - almost like they had been done on hot rollers. wow! plus it doesn't smell and there was no burning tingling where the solution got on my brow and ears. big difference. and i get a new hair-do that is flattering and not high maintanence. thomas doesn't seem to mind either. whhew...